I gave my neighbour’s grown daughter more than a lift to work

Dear BMW,I am 34 and married with children, but in serious trouble because I messed up with a young lady (24) from our township, Zingwangwa. And she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to work. Then we had casual no-strings-attached romps on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what she is going to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her, but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do. Please advise! Phodo C, via WhatsApp, Zingwangwa Phodo,For once, I thought you would be the famous Phwedo, but wait a minute Phodo! How dare you call this girl irresponsible? If at all she were irresponsible, then you must be damn reckless and very immature!There is nothing wrong in the world in giving a 24-year-old daughter a lift to work, but it is absurdly negligent of you to munch the goods ‘casually’ with neither birth control nor any other form of protection. What is even more imprudent is that it takes four months for you to get the news four months later!You are naïve Phodo, so raw and immature like a cucumber in February. You mean, can’t you see that the lady has you set up? One month, she doesn’t tell you she suspects she is pregnant. The second month she keeps a tight lip that she may be carrying your baby. It goes on until the fourth month and she tells you she is now eating for two!You mean, in these four months, don’t you think she was telling her real man she was carrying his child? Don’t you think the bugger knew about your shenanigans with her and told her point blank he would have none of your gullibility? Akupakanitu apa mfumu yanga!Komanso pena pake! Now, you want me to give advice on what you have to do with the news that she is preggers at the moment?  Certainly, four months is a long time to seek an abortion at that private clinic you know. Let’s face facts, although abortion is illegal in our lizard-shaped country, it is happening all over, but going through it all four months down the line with the lady carrying the pea in the pod is way too dangerous.Get me straight, you are a married man and your worst fear is what if your dear wife gets wind of it. What’s done, in your case, can’t be undone. Dance to your tune, mate. One thing I can advise is don’t quit the neighbourhood WhatsApp groups because that will only arouse suspicions. You sowed the wind and watered it; now don’t cry when the harvest is cyclone Freddy!Man up to it all. I like violence. Try violence by telling her you can take up a DNA test at one of these many clinics offering such services through Lancet. You will thank me later. If you have enough bucks, buy her silence or face the music from your wife.